Weekend Links

Good morning y'all!

Here is what touched me this week in the blogworld. 

Edie wrote about her dreams, and it is impossible not to get emotional about them. 

Jon Bloom wrote about taking heart over at Desiring God.

Jennifer Thomas wrote about the one person YOU need to forgive over at (in)courage. 

What about you, any post suggestions?

God bless you!

Five Minute Friday: Worship

Today we are joining Lisa-Jo Baker for her Five Minute Friday. Here is what she has to say about it:

This is where a brave and beautiful bunch gather every week to find out what comes out when we all spend five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing ‘em over here.

Rules:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on: WORSHIP

I am the only grown up in the room. Other than me, nine smiling faces, aged three through five fight over play dough  share building blocks and make endless circles on scrap paper. They roar with the dinosaurs and hammer the house center a little bit too aggressively  but hey, that's how you hammer something, isn't it?

Every day, every minute, I learn something new. How it is hard to share your favorite Max Steel toy, when you can't even go to bed without it. How it is a drag to have to stop to go to the toilet when you are in a world of princesses and pirates. How the same book with a handful of pages can have a mesmerizing effect on you for weeks.

And how the human heart is made for song. Put on some music in an Early Childhood Education class and you will have no doubt that we were made to sing, to praise, to hum. Silence is overrated. 

Yet, somewhere along the way we lose this. We become all serious business people and singing is demoted to car trips and washing dishes. It becomes unnatural. Contrived. So I ask you Lord, to bring it back into my life. Let me sing as I pick up counters from the floor or teach little ones to brush their teeth. As I enjoy a sunny day or mope over cleaning spilled juice. Let's all praise Him. All. the. time.

Clutter and the Kingdom

I have mentioned here occasionally that I am a bit of a neat freak. I like my kitchen counters clean and bare, my closet color coded and my books arranged by height. Three items on the dining table form a clutter in my head, and I utterly dislike the feeling of going to bed with dishes in the sink. Once, taking a women's class at church the speaker told us we did not have to submit to the cleanliness bondage, for there is no inspector that will knock on your door to check if you dusted your shelves and vacuumed under the couch. My answer to her? But I am the inspector!

So you get the picture of what my house looks like on a daily basis, except for extreme cases of sickness, pregnancy fatigue, or excessive business (I am not that crazy and won't trade in sleeping hours for cleaning, ever!). Pair that with a love for making things homey, and you got a cleaning obsessed and always on the search for new ways to organize/declutter/simplify home maker. 

That is why I love Simple Mom's yearly Project Simplify so much. I was actually quite bummed to not take part in it this year because we had just put our house up for sale and I figured I should do it when I moved. Yeah, still waiting on that to happen. (By the way, I did take part in it last year and loved it!). 

I recently read Simplify, by Joshua Becker, which talks about how we can be rational minimalists, not the type that has one piece of furniture in the living room, but that has enough and only that which we need. I loved it off the bat and immediately started working out decluttering plans. 

Two days later, the church had an announcement of a garage sale to raise proceeds for missions. It felt like a confirmation that this needed to be done. But more so, I felt more inspired than I ever did before. With every piece of kitchen gadget and craft supply, instead of thinking  Won't I need it eventually? my heart would tug and go Can this raise money for the Kingdom?

So I went through my house and made a decision. Purging for it's own sake may be healthy, but doing it with a purpose to bring Glory to God, just like anything else in life, is so much more worth it. 

Worship Wednesday

Worth it all

Rita Springer

I don't understand Your ways

Oh but I will give You my song

Give You all of my praise

You hold on to all my pain

With it You are pulling me closer

And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner

And up every mountain

I'm not looking for crowns

Or the water from fountains

I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing

That the sight of Your face

Is all that I need

I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it

It's gonna be worth it

It's gonna be worth it all

I believe this

It's gonna be worth it

It's gonna be worth it

It's gonna be worth it all

I believe this

Baby clothes and blessings

My dogs and my big bulging belly

Expectations are a funny thing. We hope and dream and plan the future, and when it gets here we tend to juxtapose the reality against what we thought it would be like, and then assess whether we came out well or not. At least I know I do it. All. the. time.

Take my pregnancy for example. I had very firm preconceived ideas of what it would be like, and to be honest, they were very similar to the experience I heard from most of my friends. Where I would shop. What I would purchase. How much stuff my baby would have. What the nursery (gasp) would look like. How my (oh my goodness!) baby shower would be. It all would take a lot of time, energy, money and countless Pinterest-invested hours. 

And then all of a sudden, just as I got pregnant we found ourselves in a financial bind like we never had before. Praying things would get better, they actually got worse, and no extra cash quickly turned into debt. One by one, I saw my dreams of Carter's onesies and gourmet cupcakes, fancy strollers and hip maternity clothing go out of the window.

The first thing that I felt was sheer sadness. I understood and accepted God's will, and if I wouldn't be able to have all those things, I knew they were not good for me anyway. But still, the thought of not throwing a fancy shower or having pristine never-worn before clothes felt to me as a trial. I felt as if God was putting me through this. It was not something I had been made to enjoy, but to endure. 

Until He opened the floodgates. I literally purchased maybe three pieces of (walmart) baby clothes. And yet, baby Arthur already has more clothes, and soon enough shoes, than I do. They came from friends, family members, and church members I barely knew. They came in the form of loans, gifts and donations. And each time I opened a plastic bag to see a tiny baby boy outfit I knew God was smiling. 

God could have sent all we needed through our own finances. I would have treasured every purchase, every small pair of socks, every gorgeous smelling brand new shoes. But He worked it out in a way that glorifies Him the best. And He taught me such an important lesson in the meantime:

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 

(Better late than never) Weekend links

I missed posting weekend links on Saturday. As I debated whether to scrap them altogether, I figured I'd rather share great posts others wrote than write my own. This is what touched my heart this past week:

(in)courage talked about being a happier mom. Good thing I read this before putting myself through the wringer!

Pete Wilson talked about two things a marriage needs. I'll be honest in admitting the first abounds in my marriage, the second is something I really need to work on!

John Piper as usual wrote an incredible post. So inspiring!

And I don't usually recommend YouVersion reading plans, but this one is a great one for mommies everywhere!

Happy reading, and have a great week!

We are His

Know (perceive, recognize, and understand with approval) that the Lord is God! It is He Who has made us, not we ourselves [and we are His]! We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Psalm 100:3 (Amplified Bible)

Life ruins- Part 3

Remember my Instagram picture with the nasty comment? Apparently it did not hit home. Or maybe it did, and the enemy blinds us so much that we don't look at our own sin, thinking this does not apply to me. I, on the other hand, was devastated. When I posted it, I wanted it to hurt. But deep down, I wanted it to change something. To (maybe not so lovingly) point out I see what you are doing. It is not cool. Please stop. I need you to be a better role model for me. 

I backtracked the entire situation. I served and it did not work. I humbled myself and it did not work. I talked and it did not work. I exposed sin and it did not work. And to make matters worse, it seemed that any shred of respect and honor I had for this person went out of the window. I was better off before I began this devotional in the first place. So I cried out to God. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. God's answer came quickly and clearly. 

You jumped the gun. Search my Word.

I had finished Ezra and moved on to Nehemiah. When I got to Nehemiah 7:4 I struck gold:

Now the city was large and spacious, but there were few people in it, and the houses had not yet been rebuilt. 

The wheels began turning. 

They came back from exile.
First they rebuilt the temple.
Then they rebuilt the walls.
Now they were about to rebuilt the houses. 

I looked at my life. I tried to go from coming back from exile to rebuilding houses. I was putting family before God. But I have been a good girl, reading the Word, praying, studying, attending church, what was there to be rebuilt with God?

Trust. Exposing my own sins. Repentance. And a lot more that God is continually working in me. 

I learned a great lesson through this mess. I cannot assume I know what God is trying to tell me. I need to ask Him. He does the talking, I do the listening, and not the other way around. So I threw my hands in the air about this whole kerfuffle, for now at least. I have more urgent things to deal with, and it's not about anybody else. It's between God and myself.

Worship Wednesday

Let's take a break from a long story to worship a bit! I promise that tomorrow you will understand how this song relates to my whole life ruins.

Me And God
(Josh Turner feat. Ralph Stanley)

There ain't nothing that can't be done
By me and God
Ain't nobody gonna come in between me and God
One day we'll live together
Where the angels trod
Me and God

Early in the morning talking it over
Me and God
Late at night talking it over
Me and God
You could say we're like two peas in a pod
Me and God

He's my Father
He's my friend
The beginning
And the end
He rules the world
With a staff and rod
We're a team
Me and God

I am weak and he is strong
Me and God
He forgives me when I'm wrong
Me and God
He's the one I lean on
When life gets hard
Me and God

He's my Father
He's my friend
The beginning
And the end
He rules the world
With a staff and rod
We're a team
Me and God

He rules the world
With a staff and rod
We're a team
Me and God

We're a team
Me and God

Life ruins- Part 2

Yesterday I began telling how Pastor Brian Houston's Release, Revive, Repair, Rebuild reading plan based on Ezra 9 made me focus on bringing back to life a ruined relationship. Unfortunately things were not shaping up...

After my meltdown, I went to church (Thank God for Wednesday services!). There, I was confronted with Psalm 1, and the more the pastor talked, the more God moved in my heart. Don't blame yourself. You are blessed. You delight in my law. You are indeed like that tree. My self-righteousness sprung straight up and I began to tell myself how the Lord watches over my path, and if people choose to walk in the way that perishes, too bad for them. I was in the right, they were in the wrong. Not very Christian of me, was it?

Thursday I got up decided to have a talk. I prayed a lot. As in a real big chunk of lot, y'all. I needed to keep my emotions in check. I would not cry. I would not scream. I would not complain. I would not defend myself. I would humble myself and be honest. And I did. Things were good.

Until at night things changed. A situation arose and our agreements seemed to backtrack. The worse part? I knew it was a lie. I was being told something, looking this person in the eye and thinking She is lying! How can she do it so naturally? I went to the source and confirmed what I thought, it was quite a huge stretch from the truth. In my book, that is called a lie. Delusion maybe. Lack of integrity, definitely. 

I used to think a big lie was a big deal, but a little white lie, a little stretching of truth, was not a problem. Until I became a Christian and learned who is the father of all lies, and how God looks at sin. So now I am a big lie-legalistic and find it completely unacceptable, no matter to what degree of white it is.

Foaming through my mouth, I posted this picture on my Instagram. 

I'll spare you of the nasty non-Christian comment that went with it. Check back on Thursday to read how God finally intervened. 

Life ruins - Part 1

In the beginning of last week Pastor Brian Houston, from Hillsong Church, launched a new devotional on YouVersion entitled Release, Revive, Repair, Rebuild. It focuses on Ezra 9, and talks about bringing back to life something that is in ruins, whether it is a dream, relationship or anything else. 

I began reading it simply because I like Pastor Houston's preaching, and also because I cannot say I am very familiar with Ezra. "Oh, yeah, Ezra the builder and I go way back" is not something I would say if someone asked me whether I was familiar with the book. My answer would be more like "It's somewhere between 1 Samuel and Malachi, right?"

So I dove in, praying for God to show me how that devotional applied to my own life. First day, nothing. Second day, nothing. Third day, I had an insight. I was driving to work and something went click and I though "Yes, this is it." Did I talk it over with God? Nope. Did I pray about it? Nope. I simply checked it off my list and went along.

So I established that the ruins that I needed to start rebuilding was a relationship with a family member. This person is technically extremely close, yet our conversations are limited to facebook posts and the weather, both subject matters which drive me up the walls. I have a really hard time putting up with this person's constant needs for others to help, which in my opinion are most of the time not needs, but wants. And I know she has a really hard time putting up with my foul mood and neatness obsession, which does not mesh well with her style of I'll get to it eventually organization. Something just happens when I am around her, I get angry all the time. 

So I took matters into my own hands and began. Serving. Overlooking faults. Disregarding things that really bothered me and that I found a complete lack of respect from her part. I began strong, but after a couple of days I was withering. I was nothing like the soaring eagle I was promised. And then it all came crashing down, making things worse than ever. 

At first I began to feel extremely sad and guilty, for I became completely apathetic to the situation. Then I began feeling extremely mad about how the more I gave, the more I was expected to give. By Wednesday I had a meltdown and literally spent the whole day crying, being supported by my husband and a close sister in Christ. And then when I got home and was confronted with yet another scene of sheer lack of regard, I had a tantrum and let all my frustrations boil up and spill out. 

Want to know what happened next? Come back tomorrow!

All things

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, 

who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Weekend Links

Here is some good reading for a great weekend:

Jason Eric Brooks wrote about Noah waiting to leave the ark. I only found his blog last week, but have been loving his posts. Let's just say that six months into trying to sell a house that was guaranteed by the Realtor to go within six weeks has made me relate to this.

Holley Gerth wrote about not having to do more for (in)courage. Amen, sister!

Desiring God touched on an all-too-familiar subject I've been running across lately. Love it when that happens.

God bless you!

Five Minute Friday: Small

Today we are joining Lisa-Jo Baker for her Five Minute Friday. Here is what she has to say about it:

This is where a brave and beautiful bunch gather every week to find out what comes out when we all spend five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing ‘em over here.

Rules:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on: SMALL

We haven't met yet. You are safe and sound inside this wonderful thing called my body, protected by a cocoon that the Lord made in order to have time to grow. I have no idea who do you take after, or how is your personality. I don't know if you will be into sports like your daddy or into reading and arts like your mommy. I am not even sure if you'll like the name we picked for you, or your owl themed Nursery.

What I do know is that we are here to help you. We'll attempt to aid you in this crazy thing called life, praying that you will grow in stature and in favor with the Lord. You will be taught the Word of God, raised in a Christian household which is full of sin and repentance, love and grace. 

I pray that we will be able to hear His voice and distinguish what to do. When to offer mercy. When to discipline. When to allow you to stay up past your bedtime just because. When to dance in the kitchen while waiting for the water to boil to show you how much love there is between a husband and his wife. 

At the end of it all, I don't feel afraid. I know I cannot do this at all. I know that He must do it through me. And I am the one who feels so incredibly small, yet through Him, strong. 

What's on your podcast?

I have a new (seemly healthy) obsession. I am addicted to podcasts. 

I was already super excited when I discovered them back in the Ipod age. I used to take my Ipod to the gym and listen to worship songs when working out, which quite honestly is the only way I can take any enjoyment out of working out. 

This year I got my first Iphone and was impressed with all the things I could do. When I found out I could dowstream podcasts, I was thrilled. Now I carry my phone in my apron pocket when doing chores around the house, plug it onto my car sound system and use headphones if I am stuck on a waiting room. All the while, listening to services! How cool is that?

My favorite choices so far are John Piper, Joel Osteen and Victory World Church. Do you have any good podcasts to suggest?

Worship Wednesday

Have a blessed day!

Here I am to worship

Light of the world 

you stepped down into darkness

Opened my eyes 

let me see

Beauty that made this heart adore you

hope for a life spent with you

Here I am to worship

Here I am to bow down

Here I am to say that you're my God

You're altogether lovely

altogether worthy

altogether wonderful to me

King of all days

Oh, so highly exalted

Glorious in heaven above

Humbly you came to the earth you created

all for love's sake became poor

Here I am to worship

Here I am to bow down

Here I am to say that you're my God

You're altogether lovely 

altogether worthy

altogether wonderful to me

I'll never know how much it cost 

to see my sin upon that cross

I'll never know how much it cost

to see my sin upon that cross

Blessings in Disguise Book Review

A while back I stumbled upon Joshua M. Hood's site. I find him quite witty and often enjoy his posts. So when he wrote an e-book, and then offered it for free, I jumped on it. I planned on reading it right away, and somehow it got completely forgotten in my kindle library, until I really needed it.

The concept sounds pretty simple: using Romans 8:28, he talks about how God really does use all things for the good of those who love him. He uses stories and examples that we are able to look in hindsight and go well yes, Joshua, you are quite right, that worked out well. 

It sounds juvenile to say that. And my honest to God expectations of the book were of some juvenile level. Don't get me wrong, but when you are trying to digest through John Piper's Desiring God and wrapping your head around the concepts he introduces, a book which promises to make you see bad things as good sounds easy enough for one sitting.

And I did read it on one sitting. Not because it was shallow, but because I just needed to keep going. I just kept nodding along, going yes, yes, yes....

One of his points is that if we were to write our own stories, they would differ greatly from God's plans. And if you think about it, we are all indeed constantly trying to nudge God to see things from our point of view, and send some much needed help since our intentions really are good. Does that really fit with the idea that we believe that what God wants for us is good for us? Or do we have to rethink what is good?

Joshua's book was a gentle poke to expose my own sin. It helped me process the complexity of atheism that is beneath not trusting God completely. It pointed out my idolatry in placing all sorts of physical and material things to try to make sure I'll make it through the day (because God forbid I should be caught of guard and have no money in the bank when I need it!), and it lovingly pointed me to the way back to His loving arms.

I already had great fondness over Romans 8:28, but after reading this book, I feel it has been permanently etched into my heart. All I can do is thank Joshua for working so hard to make it clear to me. This book was an instrument of the Holy Spirit in my life, and I really do recommend it!

My two year plan

I've been less than straight forward with the reasons why I chose to take a six month blog hiatus. Part of the reason is because there have been many reasons. Part of it is because I sometimes feel like a four year old, who feels, yet cannot rationalize or verbalize the whys. And part of the reason is because the main reason is a pretty awesome one.

I have been blessed to get pregnant. 

minutes after that stick showed two lines!

For me, it's always been the dream. As in, if you could have just one wish. No need to visit Florence or to scuba dive in the Australian corrals. No desire for driving a fancy car or living in a gated community. No drive to become a CEO or a pop star. I've always wanted to be a mom. Plain and simple.

I thought I was ready as soon as I finished college, but God has graciously given me a ten year gap. In this time, I've reconnected with my husband (a childhood friend), married, got a degree in Early Education and worked with children ages 2 to 8, which will obviously be a big help in the coming years. We bought our first house, adopted 3 rescued dogs and I have had countless (and mainly failed) attempts to start cooking.

A year and a half after I got married we began to have the baby talks. I went to my doctor who was brutally honest in telling me no way. I was extremely overweight and pregnancy would not be a great addition to mix. She gave me a year to lose 30 pounds, I came back having lost 15. 

Since it was a good start, we got all my tests done and had the green light. However, it was anything but a celebratory go ahead. My doctor talked to me long and hard about how I was still way overweight, how my husband is so too, and how it would take us around two years to conceive. "But go ahead and start trying," she said, "Just don't get your hopes up."

That was February. On March 30th I took a home pregnancy test that came out positive. Medically speaking, my husband and I were in for a long road. Truthfully, God's plan was to show us his deliverance all along. And life hasn't been the same ever since. 

Weekend links

Here is some good reading I recommend this weekend. 

Jason Eric Brooks wrote about being a legalistic. Ouch! That fit me like a glove!

Simple Marriage wrote about service-focused dates. I must admit I like both community service and dating my husband, but never did I think of combining both!

Sarah Mae launched an UnWired challenge this week. I have been seriously MIA from the internet lately, so won't actually join in, but unfortunately I know way too many people who need their Iphone/ Ipad snatched from their hands in order to enjoy the people around them. So here is to spreading the word...

Have a great, blessed weekend!

Back to blogging

It has been a full one hundred and twenty eight days since I last logged on this little blog. It was an unexpected, yet much needed sabbatical from sharing my feelings with the web. Circumstances in my life and the utter feeling of being overwhelmed made it too much to rationalize this therapy into existence. 

I could feel it coming. Having a whole Instamonth was a clue as to which I was denying all along: my reluctance to be completely open and honest, my fear of laying my heart out in the open. I was going through a turmoil and was concerned that my testimony might be less God honoring than gossip focusing. So I did what I do best when I feel inadequate, I kept my mouth shut.

But little by little this love has been rekindled in my heart in the last six months. I catch myself going back to blogs I loved and had given up on. I stop to ponder what a great discovery I just made while washing the dishes, only to find it wasteful not to be able to share it. I think of phrases out loud while driving, wondering what kind of blog post it would eventually turn into.

So I return, once again. For now, at least.